I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize