I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
