I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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