New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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