i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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