You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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