I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
zippers are such a cool invention
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize