She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize