we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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