i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
