ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's blow job season.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
