just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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