He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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