I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
