I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
