As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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