There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
