I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
