Rock
Scissors
Fuck
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
