Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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