don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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