the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
