Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
