Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
