I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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