why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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