She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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