woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
