Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
