butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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