so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
