upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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