Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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