mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
