Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
