Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
