I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
