just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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