Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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