I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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