$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
