It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
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I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
so much tequila, so little girl.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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