my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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