I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
