i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
