I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
