stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
