Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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