I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
