somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
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Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
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She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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