hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
