New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm too high and old for this...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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