thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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