I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
