Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I have aggressive nipples.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
