The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
