I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
