Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
