is your mom at the bar?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
