i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
