I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
