So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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