it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize