i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
