sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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