my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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