barbara walters just said penis...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Semen is not good for contacts.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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