Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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