i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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