oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
