She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
