I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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