Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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